My parents divorced when I was six years old. My father had a disease called alcoholism. He was a man with a great sense of humor and a very big problem. That problem ruled his world.
My mother is a very brave and kind woman. Who made the choice to keep us safe and give us a better life. I’m so grateful that she did. She worked extremely hard day and night to support us children and gave us enough love to make up for the loss we felt after the divorce.
Once he left we didn’t hear from him for over 10 years. Didn’t know where he was or if he was even alive.
Luckily he was and in my teens I saw him a few times. I loved him but felt so sad that he had missed out of our lives for so long. He had no idea who I was or what I’d gone through. He had lots of magazine cut outs and pictures of me from ads I had been in but really didn’t know me. It was very sad to me. I always longed for my father and wished he could have been there to cheer me on. But that wasn’t the case. That wasn’t in our life plan.
I was blessed with a step father when I was 16, not that I understood that at the time. No, at that time I felt I had been cursed. Talk about life throwing you a curve ball. I was not expecting that one. I thought my mother and I would travel the world together and of course when he came along that didn’t happen. Oh gosh, I was so angry at him; Thank god he is a forgiving soul. He had to endure a lot. Of course as a matured, I understood he didn’t steal my mom away from me, I was happy she had someone to share her life with. Now I only have love and gratitude for him. It`s great how things can change. Change is a blessing even though we may not see it at the time.
When I was 25 my father suddenly entered my life again, this time it was bittersweet. He had discovered he had cancer. In his Jaw. I was devastated. I felt like I was going to lose him when I never even had the chance to show him who I was. I remember writing a letter to him. Pouring my heart and soul into the letter. Expressing all the sadness I had felt for so long. Everything I had bottled up from being a child without a father, to a teen, and then as a woman. I grieved as if he had already died. …I never sent that letter. My father ended up having surgery. They removed half of his face, and he survived 5 more years. Only to succumb to the cancer returning and spreading throughout his body.
But in those last 5 years, I got to know my father and he got to know me and my daughter. He called me every now and then and I visited him whenever I could. It wasn’t much but it was more than I had ever had before..
I’m glad I never sent the letter, but I’m glad I wrote it. I was able to let go of the sadness, resentment and anger I felt towards him.: It changed to ACCEPTENCE... Then I felt gratitude for having those 5 years with him.
He always dreamed of coming back to his homeland, and now that I am here…I know he is as well. I sense his presence around me, watching over me. He is free from his struggles of life only to fly free and be here for me in a way he couldn’t be in life…I love my dad, even though he wasn’t perfect, I learned a lot from him and about myself.
I believe we all have certain lessons that need to be learned in our life, and mine may be different than yours or his. We can’t control what someone else`s lessons are. You can’t even control what your lessons are: but you can control how fast you are going to learn from these lessons: Acceptance, and then let go, move forward and give thanks….
Sending you all my love and gratitude, Elisabeth
My mother is a very brave and kind woman. Who made the choice to keep us safe and give us a better life. I’m so grateful that she did. She worked extremely hard day and night to support us children and gave us enough love to make up for the loss we felt after the divorce.
Once he left we didn’t hear from him for over 10 years. Didn’t know where he was or if he was even alive.
Luckily he was and in my teens I saw him a few times. I loved him but felt so sad that he had missed out of our lives for so long. He had no idea who I was or what I’d gone through. He had lots of magazine cut outs and pictures of me from ads I had been in but really didn’t know me. It was very sad to me. I always longed for my father and wished he could have been there to cheer me on. But that wasn’t the case. That wasn’t in our life plan.
I was blessed with a step father when I was 16, not that I understood that at the time. No, at that time I felt I had been cursed. Talk about life throwing you a curve ball. I was not expecting that one. I thought my mother and I would travel the world together and of course when he came along that didn’t happen. Oh gosh, I was so angry at him; Thank god he is a forgiving soul. He had to endure a lot. Of course as a matured, I understood he didn’t steal my mom away from me, I was happy she had someone to share her life with. Now I only have love and gratitude for him. It`s great how things can change. Change is a blessing even though we may not see it at the time.
When I was 25 my father suddenly entered my life again, this time it was bittersweet. He had discovered he had cancer. In his Jaw. I was devastated. I felt like I was going to lose him when I never even had the chance to show him who I was. I remember writing a letter to him. Pouring my heart and soul into the letter. Expressing all the sadness I had felt for so long. Everything I had bottled up from being a child without a father, to a teen, and then as a woman. I grieved as if he had already died. …I never sent that letter. My father ended up having surgery. They removed half of his face, and he survived 5 more years. Only to succumb to the cancer returning and spreading throughout his body.
But in those last 5 years, I got to know my father and he got to know me and my daughter. He called me every now and then and I visited him whenever I could. It wasn’t much but it was more than I had ever had before..
I’m glad I never sent the letter, but I’m glad I wrote it. I was able to let go of the sadness, resentment and anger I felt towards him.: It changed to ACCEPTENCE... Then I felt gratitude for having those 5 years with him.
He always dreamed of coming back to his homeland, and now that I am here…I know he is as well. I sense his presence around me, watching over me. He is free from his struggles of life only to fly free and be here for me in a way he couldn’t be in life…I love my dad, even though he wasn’t perfect, I learned a lot from him and about myself.
I believe we all have certain lessons that need to be learned in our life, and mine may be different than yours or his. We can’t control what someone else`s lessons are. You can’t even control what your lessons are: but you can control how fast you are going to learn from these lessons: Acceptance, and then let go, move forward and give thanks….
Sending you all my love and gratitude, Elisabeth
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