This happened to me when I was living in Los Angeles. I had just come out of a long term relationship that was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. When that chapter of my life had finally come to an end. I wasn’t by any means looking to get into a new one. But life had another plan.
While out having dinner with my agents I met a really nice guy who was also a model with my agency. At that point I had walls built all around me. We were at totally different ends of the spectrum. Him wanting to have a relationship and me wanting to be free so I could heal myself. But he was persistent and never gave up. After a year our friendship had turned into a love affair. We cared deeply for one another but I still wasn’t secure in our relationship.
Then life threw me a curve ball and I discovered I was pregnant. It wasn’t something I had planned and it came as a great surprise to me because I had dealt with a lot of female problems up until that point. So feeling blessed at the same time as feeling scared, I had to make a decision on what I was going to do as far as my relationship went.
I had to really think about what I felt deep down in my heart. Something inside me kept telling me, it just won’t work. I felt it in my core.
I wasn’t afraid of becoming a single parent. I was more afraid of the Unknown. Was my body going to bounce back? Could I continue working in my profession? If not, how would I take care of her? Those were questions I just couldn’t answer. So that’s when faith and believing in god’s plan had to take over. I had to believe everything was going to work out. ... I made a decision; I decided to raise her by myself... I felt in my heart that was the right choice, and I broke it off with him. Told him he could see her whenever he wanted, with no restrictions whatsoever. He was always welcome in our home and in her life. Our friendship withstood this challenge and we made it work and the two of them have a great relationship.
I continued working up till I was 6months pregnant, until my belly showed too much:) I spent the rest of my time taking theatrical and yoga classes. I felt amazing throughout my pregnancy. I loved every minute of it. My changing body, I found beautiful and sacred. I felt so blessed. I loved her before I ever even saw her. And when that day came, it was magical; I had never seen anything so beautiful. Our connection was instant. As if we were reunited again, I can’t explain it: A feeling of complete contentment.
By the grace of god and with the help of a very hungry baby that nursed every hour on the hour :) My body did bounce back and I was ready to start going on castings again after just 3 weeks. She came along with me. She went on every audition and every job I booked. We were a team. She even booked her own commercial at 5 months old, a national Lubriderm commercial. The following summer, I decided to take her on a trip to Norway. We continued that ritual every summer.
Norway became our special place. After many years of going back and forth we made a decision to call this our home. It’s here where I met my man and fell in love with him and his family. We have since created two more beautiful girls together. Being a mother is my pride and joy. Life has a way of working itself out.
My daughter was truly an angel sent to me to guide me in the right direction. She gave me a whole new life. Filled with love and gratitude. Meaning and purpose. I never looked back. She is now turning 15 years old this month and I’m so proud of the young lady she has become. She is strong, independent and so wise. And I have to say, I’m proud of myself, for the choice I made and having the courage to do it on my own. From that point on, I have always listened to my heart and I trust in where it will take me...